


things i’d do for u

by lovestorymv



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, possible trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 04:22:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18422718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovestorymv/pseuds/lovestorymv
Summary: Hyunjin just wants to help Jeongin.





	things i’d do for u

Jeongin awoke to the sound of rain softly beating against the window. he had forgotten to shut the blinds last night and dull light flooded the room. he groaned and grasped on the bedside table for his phone, 11:03 am it read.

thank god it’s saturday he thought as he snuggled back under the covers. he felt Hyunjin’s arms wrapped tightly around his petite waist and his chest pressed against Jeongin’s back. he smiled softly and turned carefully round to face Hyunjin, trying his best not to wake him.

leaning on his elbow he admired the older boy’s features - his smooth skin, his long delicate eyelashes, his full glossy lips and of course the mole under his eye that Jeongin loved to kiss - Jeongin never tired of looking at Hyunjin, he could look at him all day. to him Hyunjin was the most beautiful person alive and looking at him made Jeongin’s heart swell with warmth.

Hyunjin’s eyes softly fluttered open and met Jeongin’s. smiling at him with his signature bright eye smile Hyunjin whispered “good morning”. “good morning” Jeongin replied as he felt himself being pulled against Hyunjin, his arms once again wrapping around his waist as he leaned his head on Hyunjin’s chest.

he could feel Hyunjin’s heartbeat - a continuous drumming in his ear - and Hyunjin’s hands running up and down his back gently. he felt himself completely relax and the tension in his body melt away. they stayed like that for what felt like an age, not saying anything just enjoying the comfortable silence and the warmth from each other.

however, Hyunjin soon became restless. he untangled himself from Jeongin’s grip and threw the covers off of them whining that he was too hot. Jeongin pouted at the loss of warmth and he stretched a hand out ready to pinch Hyunjin’s cheek when he noticed Hyunjin staring at something intently with an odd look in his eyes.

he followed his line of sight and his heart stopped as he realised his shorts had ridden up and the harsh red lines of scars contrasting with his soft skin were exposed. he had tried so desperately to hide them but now all his efforts were in vain. it was too late. Hyunjin knew.

he went to tug his shorts back down but Hyunjin grabbed at his wrist, stopping him. Jeongin turned his head away, ashamed as tears began to blur his vision. Hyunjin caught Jeongin’s chin and tilted his head to look at him. Jeongin kept his eyes cast downwards. he couldn’t bare to look at Hyunjin, to see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. it would break him.

but Hyunjin with a voice as sweet as honey said “baby, look at me” and Jeongin couldn’t help it, he felt the dam inside him breaking.

he began to sob. the pain felt like a boulder on his chest, a noose around his neck, choking him, smothering him. he scrambled backwards. his back hitting hard against the wall as he felt Hyunjin’s hands grab him. he felt himself being lifted into Hyunjin’s lap and strong arms cradling him as Hyunjin pressed soft kisses to the top of his head.

he sobbed brokenly into Hyunjin’s chest, twisting at his shirt as he gasped for air. he doesn’t deserve this, any of this and he definitely doesn’t deserve Hyunjin. he’s just a waste of space. a waste of air. a useless unimportant ugly disgusting horrible human his mind screams at him.

he digs his nails into his wrists as he shakes his head violently, desperately trying to get the voice to stop. but it only gets louder. he feels Hyunjin shaking him hard, “Jeongin” he says but it sounds as if he is far, far away. “Jeongin! look at me” Hyunjin says louder this time and finally, Jeongin opens his eyes and looks at Hyunjin who’s now sitting across from him on the bed.

Hyunjin’s eyes look sad and Jeongin feels his heart sinking. he made Hyunjin sad. he really is the worst. Jeongin’s hands are shaking and his face is sticky with tears. he notices his scars are still visible and roughly pulls his shorts down, placing his hands over them so no one can see the ugly reminders of his self-hatred.

the atmosphere in the room feels suffocating and the rain outside has gotten even heavier, thumping against the window in a vigorous rhythm. “i’m not angry” Hyunjin says softly “i just want to know why, why you did it and why you didn’t ask me for help”. Jeongin sighs. he had never wanted Hyunjin to know this side of him, this ugly dark side that he kept hidden deep down for the most part. but i guess all secrets come out in the end.

“because i hate myself” Jeongin begins and the words feel heavy in the air. he hesitates before continuing. “sometimes things just get too much, living gets too much, being me gets too much and the only way for me to deal with it so that i don’t explode is for me to cut myself” he notices Hyunjin’s eyes filling with tears and his heart aches a little but he just looks at the wall and he carries on “it sounds stupid but it grounds me, it’s like i can focus all the pain i’m feeling into something physical, something real. and i deserve it anyway. i deserve to hurt. i’m not worthy of being alive. and why didn’t i ask for help? well, how could i. you’re so bright and beautiful and i couldn’t even bare the thought of burdening you with my ugly thoughts i want you to be light and carefree i don’t want you to have to worry about me or deal with my shit” Jeongin’s voice is shaking by the end of it and he can feel the tears threatening to spill but he forces them back.

he doesn’t want to look at Hyunjin. he’s scared of his reaction, scared of what he might be thinking. but in the end, he doesn’t have to look at Hyunjin because Hyunjin throws himself around Jeongin, hugging him so tightly he can barely breathe. as they’re holding onto each other for dear life he feels his shoulder getting damp and that’s when he realises Hyunjin is crying.

“don’t cry, please don’t cry Jinnie” he whispers into Hyunjin’s neck.

“i feel so bad Jeonginnie… i had no idea i’m the worst boyfriend ever, i’m so sorry please forgive me”

“stop Hyunjin **stop** it’s not you who should be apologising, it’s me. you’re the best boyfriend in the whole world and you deserve so much better than me. you couldn’t have known i did it when you weren’t home”

Hyunjin sniffles “please… baby i wish you could see how amazing you are. how beautiful you are. how kind you are. how talented you are and how happy you make me. you deserve the whole world. you will never **ever** be a burden to me, i promise you. i want to help you and support you every step of the way because i love you and you deserve only the best. so please whenever you feel bad please come to me, talk to me i will listen to you and do my best to help you feel better”

Jeongin clings onto Hyunjin harder his eyes watering “i love you so much Hyunjin i will try, i promise i will try for you”.

Hyunjin slowly pulls away from Jeongin and softly pushes his shorts up to expose once again the harsh red scars but this time he smiles and leans down to press gentle little kisses onto them and Jeongin laughs.

Hyunjin sits up again and looks at Jeongin with eyes full of love and adoration whilst saying “i believe in you” and Jeongin feels warmth spread through his veins. maybe, just maybe with Hyunjin by his side he really could get better he thinks to himself with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this sucks and it’s just me projecting myself onto jeongin... i’m sorry


End file.
